It’s hard to “study.” It’s like trying to swim up a waterfall of liquid sandpaper. It’s impossible. The sheer amount of psychological hammering it takes to get my mediocre grades is fucking insane.
I can’t get by at all without deliberate self-deception. Every time there’s a test on the horizon (the next one’s this Wednesday), I have to fabricate an entirely new motivational push and bullshit myself into thinking this med fucking school thing matters.
For a few days, at least. Then I can drop back down into a pit of apathy.
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