Walk

Eighty degrees today, warm enough to flip my sweat glands open and let them drool damp goo into the fabric of my t-shirt. I went out and walked again, this time not on the Plaza proper but in an adjacent sliver of a park, situated between Main and Broadway.

This park has a big fountain that is, right now, barren, still switched off for the winter. Without water, the fountain’s just a deep and dry impression in the ground, this dirty circular pit. Motionless concrete models rise out of it. Statues, mythic dudes on horses.

There’s a long, looping trail that wraps around the park’s approximate perimeter, like a fence made of flat asphalt. A sign along this trail has maybe two hundred words printed on it. Most are too weathered to be legible. I remember “Mill Creek Park.” I also remember “beautification.”

Ironic, I guess, that “beautification” is as ugly a word as it is. It sounds like “masturbation.” Maybe city parks are a kind of masturbation: arbitrary segments of green space that exist because the local government decided they’d look good.

Mill Creek Park, this shrunken island of grass between Main street and Broadway, is a token, masturbatory way to make people think that we in Kansas City care about “preserving” the “beauty” of “nature.”

This artificial place, with its irregular boundaries, hemmed in one side by Figlio’s Italian Restaurant and St. Luke’s Hospital, on the other by QuikTrip and a bland, anonymous series of what pass as skyscrapers in the Midwest.

The park was crowded today; a lot of people with kids and dogs. Bike-riding, soccer-playing, frisbee-throwing, kite-flying people. Easy to see everyone. The trees in Mill Creek Park are all in the margins. The place is one wide, grassy space.

The heat was in the air itself, coming from these warm streams of wind. Eddies and whorls; they picked up and died down and then picked up again. You stick your arm into wind like that and it feels like someone’s caressing it. It feels good. Also kind of weird, but good.

A walk in the park. That was what today was: a very literal walk in the park. A few more walks in the park like this, things could just be okay. My mood could lift. A few more days with nothing to worry about, that’s all I need.

But I never have enough time. This is the end of March; this is the last day I’ll have with nothing to worry about. It is night as I type this. By the time the line of daylight sweeps back over this city tomorrow morning, March will be gone and April will have clicked into place.

Every new day’s another page ripped away from the desk calendar. Not that I own a desk calendar; it would depress me too much to own one. I don’t need to be any more aware of time’s advancement than I already am.

Machine

At dusk I took a walk on the Plaza. The Plaza is an important place, and that’s why it is a proper noun. It is Kansas City’s brick and glass Mecca of retail. People come to the Plaza and prostrate themselves before its towering buildings. They pray, and then they offer their disposable income in tribute to the gods of capitalism.

Not one of the Plaza’s myriad stores offers anything essential to anybody’s life, and that’s as it should be. The Plaza exists to fulfill wants, not needs. It is there to help you entertain yourself. It has a movie theater. A movie theater is a collection of large screens that people pay money to stare at.

I didn’t spend any money on the Plaza today because I was just there to walk. I didn’t spend any money today at all. Days where no money changes hands get rarer and rarer. Most days a transaction takes place, somewhere, somehow. At a gas pump, maybe, or at a vending machine. At the supermarket. At the drug store.

Money is the opposite of oxygen. To survive, you must suck oxygen into your lungs while pulling money out of your wallet. Oxygen goes in and money goes out and there’s an equilibrium there. If your oxygen-money influx/efflux rate falls out of balance, you die. If everybody’s falls out of balance, places like the Plaza die. Places like the Plaza run on the money they suck out of people.

There are so many people and so many places like the Plaza on Earth that together they all comprise an invisible machine. This machine, which is fueled by the flow of money, has no purpose except to keep existing. The only way to not become part of this machine is to never once spend or accept money any money in your life. The only way to not become part of this machine is to not be born.

Stories

It seems like the “role” of “fiction” is now very different from what it was, say, two hundred years ago. Back then there was no reliable or easy way for the average person to communicate with anyone long-distance. People lived in relative isolation and probably had no real knowledge of anything outside their immediate surroundings.

In a context like that, fiction becomes a vehicle for the average person to learn something about “foreign” ways of life, about what it’s like in other parts of the world, et cetera.

But now there are much better ways to learn about the world, some of which don’t even involve having to read anything. You don’t have to read Melville to learn how whaling ships worked if you can just rent a documentary, and you don’t need Kipling to tell you what India’s like if you can just read Wikipedia.

It was once useful for fiction to describe things or places as they exist, but it isn’t anymore. If you want to know what a thing or place looks like, there are more efficient ways to find out. Pages of exhaustive physical description are redundant in a world where photographs exist.

The fiction that bores or grates on me the most is the stuff that just tells me shit I already know, or shit that I already could have found out without much effort. The best fiction is the stuff that doesn’t tell me about the world but rather annihilates it and then reconstructs it according to its own parameters.

A “good” writer produces stuff that is profoundly informed by the kind of person he is: he may be describing shit as he sees it, but the actual image he’s seeing is so refracted and distorted by his own neuroses and obsessions that it bears little resemblance to what we think of as “objective” “reality.”

The effect of reading the prose a guy like this produces is not one of imagining some daintily-described place or person or object for no reason, but of directly jacking into another’s brain.

I guess I like Kafka and Nabokov a lot because they both write stuff that has that brain-jack quality. I spent a lot of today reading their short stories, bouncing from one to the other. You read either one of these dudes and you get a very immediate, very lucid understanding of the kind of person he is.

It is vaguely draining to read that many short stories at once. It’s more draining than it would be to just read one long, continuous narrative. The issue is that every time I read some piece of fiction, I have to build this abstract model of the story in my head to mirror what I’m seeing on the page.

Reading a bunch of short stories therefore means building, and destroying, a bunch of these models in sequence. By comparison, you read a novel and you only ever have to build one model.

Maybe this is why people don’t read short stories anymore: all the modeling is too exhausting. Maybe, in 2010, the only people who read short stories are people who write short stories. That’s a pretty hilarious and pathetic thought.

Learn

If March is a box of Cheez-Its (and it’s not, but if it were), then these last few days of it are the stale crumbs you find at the bottom of the bag-within-the-box, the bag that was once vacuum-sealed but is now flaccid, greasy and mostly empty.

These last few days are the sickly, soggy cracker fragments that you don’t want to eat but eat anyway, because you kind of have to.

You have looked in the cupboard. It is wholly devoid of crackers with the artificial cheese flavor you crave. You are out of Cheez-Its. These last few crumbs are all you have.

They are not enough. You can tell. You know they will give you no real satisfaction. They are, however, the best you can do for now.

You can see how this is going to work. You will remove the crumbs from the box, eat them, and grimace, as is appropriate. Then you will squish the box between your hands and drop it into a garbage bag.

This is pretty much an irreversible action. It is possible to take an object out of a garbage bag once you’ve put it in there, and desperate people in search of, for e.g., inadvertently discarded wedding rings have been known to do it, but in general this is something we all try to avoid.

When we do root through the garbage, it’s typically not our own; it’s the neighbor’s or something, and we root not to find anything in particular but just see what we can dig up.

They say you can learn a lot about a man by looking at what he throws away, and they are right about this. Let’s say you find a man who has thrown away an entire month. That really says something about him, doesn’t it?

Cone

The clouds were low-flying bombers. They got into position and then their bomb doors slid open. A hundred clouds dropped a hundred payloads. Each payload was a hundred gallons of water.

There was neither grace nor beauty in the way all this water fell out of the sky. The stuff didn’t float down in drops. There were no drops. The water just came down in one thick, even blanket that fell onto a hundred square meters of suburbia.

The clouds, having done what they came to do, were in no hurry to get away. They stayed put, hovering overhead. They were towers of cloud, taller than they were wide, and there were enough of them to form a skyline, an uneven one that looked the way New York City will if the sun ever goes nova and sends out a six-million-degree heatwave to melt all the buildings into smeared asymmetry.

I don’t know why those clouds didn’t leave. I walked under them today and at times found it hard not to look up and wonder. It seemed both wrong and smug of them to stick around, smirking down at streets they had just drenched. If they were going to smirk, I thought once, I would smirk back. I could not, however, do this. It’s impossible to produce a true smirk on command. A premeditated smirk is never authentic; an authentic smirk must be spontaneous.

(I’m not the kind of guy who smirks, anyway. I hope I’m not. The one factor common to all the people I dislike most is a predilection for smirking. I notice this smirker/asshole duality so often that I’ve got to admit, with some (but not enough) shame, that every new smirker I meet gets consigned to what I’d have to call a mental shitcan. So if I were to discover that I myself am a smirker, my value system would transform into a crow, and a stern, powerful Cosmic Judge would force me to eat it.)

I was outside an hour after the rain came down. There was no evidence on the ground of the cloudburst’s speed, or of its violence. Were it not for the smell, or the occasional puddle, it would have been hard to tell that it had rained at all. The roads here are designed so that water flows right off them and into the sewers. Every puddle represents an engineering flaw.

Every puddle is also a pretty incredible mirror. I looked into each one I passed today and saw tree branches and cloud skylines rendered with more clarity than my eyes could ever manage.

I could, no matter where I walked, smell that post-rain smell. What is that smell? You mention it to people – “that smell you get right after it rains” – and they always know what you’re talking about, but they don’t know how to define it either. It’s an organic smell, the smell of growth. Where water falls, life follows. I think every puddle’s an ecosystem, a primordial sea, hell, a universe unto itself.

If that’s true, then it must follow that each puddle contains rainclouds and suburbs and puddles of its own, and those puddles-within-puddles probably themselves contain more puddles. Puddles all the way down. We, ourselves, we probably live in someone’s puddle too, and that someone – why not? – lives in another puddle. Puddles all the way up. Existence as we know it is an infinite cone of puddles.

Wires

I don’t know whether I’ve had one big, pulsating headache these past three days, or merely a bunch of small, normal ones. I guess it makes no difference. The effect’s the same: the pain in my head has not been continuous. It has come and gone (and continues to come and go) in slow, rolling cycles.

My headache (or headaches) is (or are) like the slight waves you might see in the deep Pacific on one of those days so clear that there’s no essential difference between sky and water: both are blue, and both roll in a gentle, barely-perceptible way. The sky swells because of the heat, and the water swells because the moon, some 238,857 miles away, is tugging at it.

238,857 miles. When you write the number out like that, the distance looks smaller than it really is. It looks comprehensible. 238,857 miles isn’t even a million. It seems almost drivable. It’s not, of course.

People have been to the moon, sure, but not that many. People will go there again, but not for a long time. It’s possible that the moon gets lonely; I think it’s more likely that it gets resentful.

When I think about it, the moon leads a pretty terrible life. It hasn’t gotten any water, yet there it is orbiting a planet that’s got more of it than any reasonable planet should want. Does the moon feel entitled to some of that moisture? If it does, I can’t blame it. I’d feel the same way.

The moon just wants a little ocean of its own, and it’s been trying to get one for millions upon millions of years. It has tried to use its gravity to siphon water away from the Earth, but all it does is make waves.

Tantalus, at least, was a dude who did something to deserve his punishment. The moon never did anything wrong. Not that I’m aware of, at least. Maybe the moon is a bastard and I don’t know it. Whatever. Fuck the moon. Why am I even talking about it?

I took a walk today because of my headache. I figured that “the fresh air” would “do me good.” I had meant to go out in the afternoon, but didn’t do it. Sheer inertia kept me indoors until half-past-five, at which time I realized that it would be important to get moving if I didn’t want night to fall on my walking ass.

Of course, night was already falling after I’d gotten outside. Since the clocks shifted forward two weeks ago, night’s been falling in slow-motion. “Sunset” begins at noon, and it’s seven or eight hours long. The sun drops, the shadows stretch, and the sky fades. Night, when it comes, takes me by surprise.

I used to walk around my neighborhood all the time, this time of year. I used to have spring break right around this time, this last week of March. I don’t get a spring break anymore; I haven’t had one since 2008.

2009′s “spring break” consisted of me staying in Kansas City and studying the female reproductive system, and I’m sad to say that I mean this literally. “Studying the female reproductive system” is not a euphemism for anything sexy and exciting, unless you consider memorizing different types of ovarian tumors sexy and exciting, which I personally don’t.

In 2010, well, I’m on a “study month,” but I decided to go to Springfield for a few days for no good reason, and I’m certainly not studying here. So maybe this is a spring break, of a sort – a truncated, unofficial sort.

March is that month when actually walking around outside becomes viable. It was sixty degrees outside today. It wasn’t bad. Suburban Springfield is just as I remember it.

The roads and sidewalks are wider than any I’ve seen in Kansas City. The houses are monstrosities, laid out with generous space between them. Everyone has a big, fenced-off backyard. These yards are typically empty. When they do contain something, it’s a dog, or a tree, or sometimes both, with the former tied to the latter.

There are telephone poles, very tall ones, and the wires connecting them are thick and heavy and black. It would be cool to listen to one of those wires, to tap it and intercept the data coming through, the fragments of conversation. It’d be cool to sift through that chaos.

When I was a kid, one of my friends – who lived in this same neighborhood – had a TV with an antenna. He told me once that on a few dead channels he could hear people talking, presumably on their cell phones. Nothing really interesting or meaningful, but little bursts here and there. Enough, almost, to hear what the neighbors are up to.

You have no way of knowing what the neighbors are up to otherwise. The suburbs are quiet. I was the only guy walking around today. People stay in their big houses and talk to other people who stay in other big houses. That’s what the telephone wires signify.

I can imagine a world a hundred years in the future where tangled wires criss-cross every street and communication towers stand on every corner. These things would make it impossible to walk, so no one would do it. The wires would form the One True Network, the Internet and cable TV and the electric grid and and the cell network all smashed into one incomprehensible, alienating thing.

Technology doesn’t draw people closer together: it pushes them apart, and it always has. We were never more together than when we were all hominids hanging out in East Africa. Then again, technology’s the only reason you’re reading this, whoever you are, and technology’s the only reason I’ve been able to form and maintain the few friendships that I have. So what I’m saying here makes no sense.

But maybe it does, in a way. The connections you make over the One True Network have a weakness to them. They’re intangible. The future of the human race is the intangible. The tangible is fading.

It was harder than it should have been for me to step into the tangible world today. And nothing out there seems to connect. I have to put on artificial shoes and walk on an artificially paved road to experience what’s out there. If I step away from the sidewalk and onto the grass, the ground’s uneven under my feet, and for a moment I think that feels unnatural.

It’s not unnatural, though. It’s grass. It’s as natural as it’s possible for something to be. Somehow it doesn’t feel that way. I guess I’m more used to pavement than I am to grass, and I guess I’m more used to carpet than either of those.

Reflection

Some part of my brain has fallen out of calibration. Maybe it has to do with being in Springfield again. The reference points have all changed, even the tiny ones. The mattress here is harder, the sheets are softer, the carpet is smoother. The window-blinds are heavier, darker, and the sun hits them at a sharper angle. I was used to all this, once; five years ago, my parents’ house was the norm. Now it’s become unfamiliar.

Every time I come back here, something recedes. My bedroom feels less and less real to me. It used to be real to the guy who lived in it, and that guy used to be me. But when I left, it stiffened. It stopped changing and became this preserved, alien place. And the guy who used to live here, he’s receding too. Who was that guy? This room’s a reflection of him, not of me.

Etched

Back in Springfield for a few days, because fuck it, why not, I haven’t been back here since January.

Nothing’s happening in the near future that I need to worry about. In theory I still have to study, but it’s not the most pressing of matters right now. I won’t take Step 1 for a while. I haven’t even bothered to register for it yet. I’ll do that next week; I guess I have to.

There is plenty happening in the slightly-more-distant future that I need to worry about. In April and May I’ll be on some internal medicine bullshit. I’ll be in the hospital just about every day, et cetera. I don’t want, or have, to think about that now, so I won’t.

This is, really, the key to maintaining my sanity: never thinking more than one step ahead. If I take too many steps, this kind of vast and incomprehensible cosmic horror unfurls in front of me, this mind-destroying Lovecraftian shit.

I need to read more Lovecraft, probably. I keep meaning to. It would be a better use of my time than reading more of Stephen King’s inane-but-entertaining bullshit, which is what I’m actually doing: having finished Night Shift, I’ve moved on to Skeleton Crew, which is his second, and more bloated, set of short stories.

I don’t remember how many pages Night Shift had, but it was in the three hundreds. Skeleton Crew is almost six hundred. And Nightmares & Dreamscapes, which comes after Skeleton Crew, is over nine hundred pages long, and is therefore something I will never read.

The most hilarious thing about these three collections is that each contains the same number of stories: about twenty. It’s just that on average the stories get longer. And longer. And longer.

It’s sort of bizarre that absurd length is the defining quality of most popular fiction. Why is this? You’d think that in our “fast-forward” “ADHD” “culture” most people wouldn’t have the patience.

Yet lately I’ve been seeing all this stuff on the Internet about how excited people are about reading their favorite porous and airy thousand-page novels on the iPad, once it’s released next week. Even though the iPad has this glossy, reflective screen. How the hell can people read off that shit?

That’s the reason I haven’t been reading all the Lovecraft I mean to: I don’t have any of his stuff on real, physical paper. His stories are all public domain, scattered across various web sites. So for a long time, instead of books, I just had a list of bookmarks.

Then, last week, when Kindle for Mac came out, I installed it and paid some cleverly opportunistic “digital publisher” ninety-nine cents for “the definitive H.P. Lovecraft.” What you’re paying for there is convenience and clean formatting; if it were anything more than ninety-nine cents, it wouldn’t be worth it.

Kindle for Mac is terrible and half-assed in a lot of ways, but at least in theory it should be easy to use to read shit. It gives you a simple white screen with simple black text. You get a slider to control number of words per line. You get to pick font sizes. You can close the program and open it again and it’ll remember where you were. All, seemingly, features “conducive” to “reading.”

But reading all this dense, wordy, early-twentieth-century stuff off my computer screen just makes my eyes burn, and it gives me a headache. It’s too damn bright. Even if I turn the brightness down, I still eventually feel like I’m trying to read letters etched onto the surface of the sun.

Sham

It looks like I passed the other week’s test. That’s what the score sheet seems to say.

How did this happen? I can’t understand it. I remember those questions. I remember my wild guessing. Most of my score is based on that guessing; there were almost no answers I actually knew.

I passed, but only because multiple choice tests are imperfect. They’ve got no way of knowing whether you really knew the answer, or whether you had just picked one at random. Multiple choice tests might be the only reason I’ve made it this far.

It’s all a sham. I’m an intellectual fraud. I never try to really learn information; I just try to learn it well enough to pass multiple choice tests.

Pastiche

Johnny Standish had only gotten the job two months ago, and already he was tired of it. He was tired of the kids, the snotty jocks who never listened to a word he said, who never stopped talking through his lectures no matter how many times he sent them to the principal’s office. He was tired of having to be hall monitor every Tuesday and Thursday at lunchtime.

He was, most of all, tired of having to assign, and grade, the constant, endless parade of essays, of themes, of papers about this or that arbitrary thing. What I Did On My Summer Vacation. My Favorite Football Team. Why a High School Education is Important to Me. Why Moby Dick is a Great Work of Literature.

Oh, Moby Dick. Moby fuckin’ Dick. Johnny remembered when he’d first read Moby Dick, back when he was an undergraduate. He thought it was all right. Certainly not the Great American Novel people made it out to be, but passable. Herman Melville seemed like a decent guy, the kind of guy Johnny might want to have lunch with, even, if only he were alive.

But as an undergrad Johnny had no idea that in a few short years he’d get his teaching certification and would then have to actually teach Moby Dick. He couldn’t have known that he’d have to read long sections of the damn thing to a perpetually and obstinately unexcited class. He didn’t know that he’d have to talk about symbolism so damn much.

Fuck the whale, was Johnny’s conclusion after only a week of the Moby Dick unit. Fuck the whale, and fuck Ahab, and fuck Melville. Johnny decided he no longer wanted to have lunch with that guy. Not no way, not no how.

And maybe Johnny was right to hate Herman Melville. If Melville had never existed, then maybe humanity would still have a chance. Herman Melville and Lanky Robbins. It was all their fault, in the end.

Lanky Robbins was a kid in Johnny’s third-period remedial English course. “Lanky” was not his nickname; it was actually his given name. Johnny could only assume that the kid’s parents had been morons. This made him sympathetic to the kid at first, made him a little willing to overlook his bullying, his transgressions, his disruptiveness. You can’t blame him, Johnny had thought. If I’d been named Lanky, I might have been a goddamn bully too.

So when Johnny was on hall monitor duty and saw Lanky giving kids wedgies, saw him stealing their lunch money, making them lick dirt off the hallway floor, et cetera, Johnny had no real problem with this. In fact, in his particular way, he was a little amused. Johnny was kind of a misanthrope.

But then Lanky started bullying Johnny. And that was where Johnny drew the line.

The issue was Moby Dick. Lanky hated the novel. He complained, loudly, every time Johnny lectured about its “themes” and “characterization.” When Johnny spoke movingly about Ahab and his search for et cetera, Lanky just snickered. Or he made paper airplanes and threw them.

One day, it got to be too much for Johnny to take.

“Stop that, Lanky,” he said. “You don’t stop that, I’m gonna to see to it that you get suspended.”

“Like I care, teach,” Lanky said. “You don’t scare me.”

“Oh yeah?” Johnny said adverbially.

“Yeah. You’re afraid of me,” Lanky said. “I can tell, teach. I can smell the fear, teach. I can smell your sweat. I can taste it, almost. You don’t wanna mess with me, teach. I’ll ruin your life.”

“Okay,” Johnny said. “Good to know.”

The class laughed; nervous titters. Lanky turned red. “You’ll see,” he muttered.

And Lanky was right. Johnny did see. That night was when it all began. That night was when Moby Dick started acting strangely.

Johnny was in his study when he saw it happen – saw the book, which Johnny had tossed carelessly onto the carpet, start rustling, moving, shuddering.

This, Johnny thought, cannot possibly be happening. But it was. The book was moving. The book was . . . alive?

Nonsense. Clearly nonsense. Johnny turned away from Moby Dick, and turned back to the Michael Chabon bullshit he was trying to read.

Johnny was one of those guys: one of those Chabon-reading, NPR-listening, Wes Anderson film-liking white guys. He was one of those guys, and was proud of it.

Johnny was working on a novel himself, actually, on his MacBook, which Johnny felt was really the only device on which novel-writing was possible, in this modern age; as an undergrad, he knew a guy who had tried to write a novel on a Dell laptop and that had gotten him nowhere. Dude should have used a Mac, Johnny felt.

Johnny knew that his novel was going to be better than any bullshit Herman Melville had ever written, Johnny knew that for sure. The working title was One Thousand Miles of Hope Betwixt the Evolutionary Feather and Reality’s Pathway to Oblivion: A Story of The Loss of Innocence in the Silver Age. Johnny had no idea what this title meant, but he figured it was the kind of thing NPR would like.

Johnny’s novel has nothing to do with anything. I don’t know why I rambled about it so much. I’m just that kind of writer, you know? I can’t stop myself. It’s like a faucet I can’t turn off. Anyway. What was I saying. Yeah, Moby Dick.

Moby Dick began rustling again, moving like a rat clawing through some garbage in the parking lot of a shopping mall. Fluttering like an angel that had been unexpectedly shot in the left wing with a pistol. Then the book began to growl, like a growling thing.

Johnny was terrified, and he expressed this terror in the following way: he said, “What . . . the hell?”

Then he opened the door of his study, stepped out. Slammed the door behind him. He could still hear the rustling, the growling. Johnny knew the thought was completely irrational and dumb, but he began to fear for his life. What if the book chewed through the door, like a chewing thing? What if it then ate him, like a thing that eats things?

“Lisa!” he said. “Lisa!”

He ran down the hallway. Lisa, his wife, was sitting in the living room, watching a Lifetime Channel Original Movie.

“What is it, dear?” Lisa said.

“Lisa,” Johnny panted adverbially, “there’s a . . . there’s . . . in the study . . . you, you gotta . . . you gotta see. You gotta see this.”

He grabbed her arm, started dragging her down the hall.

“Honey,” Lisa said, “what on Earth has gotten into you?”

“I don’t know,” said Johnny. “I just . . . don’t know.”

He led her to the study, opened the door again, pointed at Moby Dick.

“Look!” he said. “The book is alive!”

The book lay still. It did not move, not at all.

“Honey,” Lisa said, “you’ve had a long day at work, I know, and – ”

“No! No, I know I sound crazy. But this book was – it wanted to kill me. I swear to god, it wanted to kill me.”

“Listen,” Lisa said adverbially, “it’s late. Go to bed. Everything’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry.”

She squeezed his hand. Johnny squeezed back. He looked into her eyes and remembered why he had married her: because she was that oasis of calm in the midst of his chaotic life, etc. She was the one woman who had truly understood that he was a tortured and creative genius.

That was really what was important to Johnny: he was only interested in forming relationships with women who earnestly believed that he was smarter than they were. This has very little to do with anything, either, but I thought it might give you, Constant Reader, a little insight into Johnny’s character.

Anyway, that night, Johnny had a dream. A horrible dream, a mind-implodingly harrowing one. He dreamt that he was sitting in the middle of a cold and dark room, a room as cold and dark as a cold, dark place, such as Antarctica. He was in this room, sitting in a chair, and he could not move. He was paralyzed.

He wanted to move, though – he felt that he had to, because he could sense danger.

He felt his heart beating faster, faster, rushing like a steam train, if steam trains resembled hearts.

He felt dread creep through him like electricity, if electricity could creep.

Then he saw Moby Dick. The book much bigger than life-size: it was about eight by twenty feet, at least. The book was huge and it had jaws.

Behind the book was Lanky Robbins.

“You’re gonna get it now, teach,” Lanky said. “I told you not to mess with me, didn’t I?”

Then the book started chewing, its jaws closing on Johnny’s leg, gnawing at the flesh. Excruciating pain tore through Johnny’s nerves; he let out a long, ragged scream, a scream that no one, except Lanky and the book, seemed to hear. Lanky just laughed, and the book started snorting, as if it, too, were amused.

The book had made it all the way up to Johnny’s knee. He felt the snapping of bone – that was his femur giving way. He looked down and saw the blood gushing out of the wound, and felt sick. He wanted to scream again, but found that he couldn’t – it was as if his vocal cords were now just as paralyzed as the rest of him.

All he could do was watch – watch as this book devoured his flesh.

He woke up in the coldest, sweatiest sweat imaginable. He was shaking so hard that the waves of vibration he sent through the mattress woke up Lisa, sweet, innocent, loving Lisa.

“What’s wrong, Johnny?” she said. She put a hand on his shoulder. “You had a nightmare.”

“I had a – the book, Lisa,” Johnny said adverbially. “The book – we have to – we gotta, I’m getting out of bed right now.”

“You will do no such thing,” Lisa said. “Go back to sleep. Everything’s fine.”

“I hope so,” Johnny said. Then he said it again, for no clear reason: “I hope so.”

The next morning, Johnny ran into Lanky Robbins, who was on the way to his first-period class. Lanky was grinning widely, hugely, obscenely.

“Hey, teach,” he said. “How’d last night go? Was everything fine?”

“Everything was just fine,” Johnny said. “I don’t know what you’re – ”

“I think someone had a little nightmare,” said Lanky. “I think someone almost pissed his pants.”

“You – what?”

“Teach almost pissed his pants! Teach almost pissed his pants!”

Five or six kids were staring at them.

“That’s quite enough, Lanky,” Johnny said. “Go to class. You’ll be late.”

“Yeah, okay, teach,” said Lanky. “Let me warn you, though. You don’t have long to live. And neither does Lisa.”

“What? Lisa? How did you know my wife’s name?”

“The book’s gonna take her out, Johnny,” said Lanky. “Moby Dick. Moby Dick‘s gonna eat her.”

“What!” said Johnny.

“You left your copy of the book at home, didn’t you, teach? Too scared to bring it to class with you, right? Well, who’s at home right now, teach? Lisa is. Isn’t she?”

“What!” said Johnny again.

“She might still be alive when you get back,” Lanky said. He grinned again. “Or she might not. Later, teach!”

Johnny knew he had to rush home – to hell with his job. He didn’t care if he lost it; he had to make sure Lisa was all right.

He got in his car, gunned the engine, and sped down backroads, around hairpin turns and dangerous corners, through the foggy streets of Whatever, Maine, which is, by the way, the town where our story is set. Sorry I didn’t mention that earlier.

When Johnny got home, he was afraid – he knew what Lanky had said was objectively ridiculous, and yet . . . and yet . . .

He opened the front door.

“Lisa!” he said. “Lisa! Where are you?”

No reply. He walked to the living room. Nobody there. The television was turned off.

The study. He had to check the study. He went down the hall, opened the door, and . . .

The room was splattered with blood. And hair. Lisa’s hair. In the corner was Moby Dick, chomping on . . . oh god, Johnny thought, a sliver of flesh. Was that what that was?

The book began hopping up and down when it saw him. Then it belched, loudly. Johnny wanted to vomit, and in fact slammed the study door closed, ran to the bathroom, and did so, right in the kitchen sink. It was green. Just in case you wanted to know what color it was.

Johnny crept back to the door and listened. He could hear scrabbling at the other side – the book, trying to – was it trying to get out? What if it started chasing him?

Johnny had to put as much distance as possible between himself and the book. He knew that.

He sprinted out the front door, and almost collided with Lanky Robbins, who was standing in his front lawn, again grinning that infuriating grin.

“You son of a bitch!” Johnny said. “You killed my wife!”

He swung a fist; Lanky dodged.

Moby Dick killed your wife, teach. Not me. I just helped.”

“How did you do that? What have you done?”

“Powerful stuff, teach,” said Lanky. “Powerful black magic. You wouldn’t understand.”

And then Lanky disappeared – vanished in thin air.

Johnny got into his car. He knew what he had to do: he had to get a drink, that was what he had to do.

So Johnny Standish went to the bar, Whatever’s local watering hole. The barman was a guy Johnny knew fairly well, an older black man named Charlie. Since he was black, Charlie spoke like an offensive stereotype.

“Hey there, Johnny,” said Charlie. “Ya wantin’ the usual?”

“Yeah,” Johnny said. “The usual.”

Charlie made “the usual,” whatever it was, and passed the mug to Johnny, who took a big swig.

“How’s yer wife been, Johnny?”

Johnny laughed adverbially.

“Dead,” he said. “She’s dead.”

“What? Dead? What done happened?”

“I’ll tell you,” Johnny said, and did.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Charlie said. “Black magic, ya say?”

“Yeah. I wish I knew . . . what. What the magic was. How to reverse it. I feel like I’m not safe in that house anymore. I’m afraid to touch the book, afraid to go near it, even.”

“Don’t worry,” Charlie said. “I know just what to do ’bout that black magic.”

“You do?”

“Sure,” Charlie said. “I gotta book o’ black magic myself. Been handed down in my family for generation after generation. Book goes by the name of the Necronomicon.”

“Pretty good name for a book of black magic.”

“I know, right? Anyway, Johnny, we’ll jest head on down to my place and look up how to reverse the curse that kid done put on your Moby Dick.”

So they went to Charlie’s place and found the Necronomicon. It was big, thick, dusty. It had a dark leather cover.

“Here,” Charlie said, “we’ll be needin’ to perform a rite, a ritual of sorts. We’ll need to summon a demon, and ask that demon to exorcise the demon what be in that Moby Dick book o’ yours.”

“Okay,” Johnny said. “What’s the procedure for that?”

“It’s a little complicated,” said Charlie, “and it involves makin’ . . . a sacrifice.”

“A sacrifice?”

“Yeah.”

“What kind of sacrifice?”

Charlie told him. Johnny puked again, all over Charlie’s floor.

But if he had to make that sacrifice to get the demon out of Moby Dick, then so be it. He wanted to get rid of that demon, wanted to kill it. He had to avenge Lisa, sweet, beautiful, darling, dead Lisa.

So after the sun had set (“It’s real important ta do the rite after dark,” Charlie had said), Johnny and the barman made their way back to Johnny’s house. They crept through the door, then down to the study. The door was still closed. A faint scrabbling could still be heard on the other side.

“Here goes,” Johnny said. Charlie nodded and gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

Johnny opened the door and stepped into the center of the room. The book started jumping up and down again when it saw him, squeaking with a kind of hungry glee. Johnny could swear that it was even drooling.

Johnny took a piece of chalk out of his pocket and drew a pentagram on the floor. Then he looked at Charlie, who nodded again. Johnny cleared his throat.

“Great Satan,” he said, “we call upon thee. Send us one of thy messengers, please, thanks.”

The pentagram began to glow. Then a reddish light suffused the room. The book seemed to cower in fear, which Johnny considered a good sign.

“I am the archdevil Raziel,” said an impossibly-deep voice. “Why is it that you have summoned me to this place?”

“Well, there’s this book, see,” Johnny said. He briefly explained the situation.

“I see. And what will you give me? What is your sacrifice?”

“This,” Johnny said, and he took a deep breath. Then he reached into his pocket again, pulled out a knife, and cut his nose off. It hurt kind of a lot.

Johnny threw his nose into the center of the pentagram, which began to glow even more fiercely, and also started emitting, you know, smoke and shit.

“Not a great sacrifice,” the voice said, and for a moment Johnny’s heart sank. “But it’ll do.”

The reddish light in the room intensified, and Johnny watched in amazement as an actual, bona fide demon appeared in the center of the pentagram.

“Where’s the book?” the demon said.

“Uh, over there,” said Johnny. He pointed.

“Alright,” said the demon.

It stabbed the book with its pitchfork. The book seemed to scream, and then it shriveled into ash.

“Is that all?”

“Yeah, that’s – ” Johnny began to say, but then he looked, in horror, as the book . . . seemed to reappear, in that same corner of the room.

“It’s back!” he said. “I thought you killed it! You lied!”

“Don’t you talk to me that way,” the demon said. “But yeah, it does appear to be back. Lemme take a look at it.”

The demon did so.

“Okay,” it said, “it’s not the same book. It’s a child.”

“It’s a . . . what?”

“Sometimes,” the demon said, “sometimes these possessed books, they fuck. And they have offspring. I think that’s what happened here. I think that Moby Dick book probably boned that one.” The demon pointed at the Michael Chabon novel on Johnny’s desk.

“Oh,” said Johnny. “Well, uh, can you take care of this one, too?”

“Yeah, it ain’t no thing,” said the demon. It stabbed the second book with its pitchfork.

“Are there any others?”

“Let’s wait and see.”

They waited a good several minutes. No other books appeared.

“Looks like we got the situation contained, then,” said the demon. “What are you giving me for the second book?”

“What am I . . . what?”

“Look, you paid me for the first book, right? You gave me your nose. Not a great sacrifice, but I took it. Now I need to be paid for the second book. What are you gonna give me for that?”

“I, uh . . . I don’t know,” said Johnny.

“What do you mean, you don’t know? Fuck you, man. You know what? I’ll take him.”

Before Johnny could say a word, the demon rounded on Charlie and stabbed him with its pitchfork. Johnny watched Charlie scream and then dissolve into ash.

“A lot tastier than that goddamn nose,” said the demon. “Anyway, yeah, be seeing you.”

It disappeared.

“Oh, Charlie,” Johnny said. “I’m sorry.”

“But are you really, teach?” said a voice. “Are you really?”

“Lanky, you bastard! Where are you?”

“Right here, teach, right here in your hallway. I’ve been here all along, watching. It’s kinda cute that you thought you could stop what I started. It really is. I wanna show you something.”

Lanky opened the hall closet. At least a hundred snarling, snapping books fell out.

“Turns out,” Lanky said, “Moby Dick and that Michael Chabon shit – they fell in love, teach. They were very happy together. All that Michael Chabon book ever wanted was a partner who’d make it feel smart, intelligent, special. And that’s what it got. Those books were lovers, teach, and these – these are their progeny.”

“Progeny?” Johnny said. “How do you know that word? You’re failing remedial English.”

“I’m not who you think I am, teach. A high school student? Hardly.”

“Who are you then?”

“That’s not for you to find out. Nothing, right now, is for you to find out. Not anymore. I’ll leave you to your books.”

And Lanky disappeared, again, into thin air.

Johnny backed into the corner of the study, and watched the books close in on him. He saw them leap through the air, felt them seize onto his ankles, his knees, his elbows, his arms, his face. Biting at him, tearing and rending flesh.

He felt the blood begin to flow. The books ripped away bits of scalp, slices of skin. They snapped bone and serrated muscle.

They picked Johnny clean, they chewed on him until there was almost nothing left. Then they burped, collectively – a huge sound, a meta-sound. And they bounced through the house, chewing through doors and windows, escaping into the cool night air, chewing through everyone and everything they saw with their slavering book-fangs, fucking occasionally to keep their numbers strong.

There are now more Moby Dick progeny on Earth than there are people. The population gap widens every day. Lanky, from the mothership, watches this happen, and he smiles.